I am beginning to become a little scared and a little apprehensive about the whole l/s. I know that it is something I want to try and truly believe it is something I will love, but I am so scared that I will be unable to give up my control. I am terrified of losing ME...I am not sure if that makes much sense..I have basically been a single mother of three children for almost four years now. I have taken control of how money is spent, where we will live, what we will eat, how we dress, when to go to sleep, how am I suppose to give up that control...I know if my husband turns into the Master I hope he will, he will understand and stick with our routine. I know he doesn't have much interest in taking care of details that like that and will more than likely stick to what we are already use to...but the point is that he could change it all....I am not sure if I am prepared for that and I am not sure if I can.
Another fear is that we begin this l/s and my husband will not like it...If we start, I am not going to want to stop...I know he has a lot to overcome because he is so use to me taking care of everything for him. As of now, because he is deployed, I make the final decision. I know everything is a work in progress and it takes a while, but I am a very impatient person and would just like to hurry it along!! I hope and pray that he is on board for this.
Even though I am scared of losing myself in the process, I know that I must trust my husband to find me again if I do get lost. That is the biggest thing isn't it? Trust...That is going to be the biggest obstical and the main one I think to have successful D/s life. We both have betrayed each other in the past and he has betrayed me not so long ago, I will be groping desperatly for something to show me I can trust him with ALL of me. At the same time, I believe that this l/s will bring us even closer and open both of us to each other. We will finally be one with one another and I want that desperately.
As I sit mulling over my fears, I came to realiztion that overcoming all my fears is part of the l/s. Learning, growing, and overcoming. Even though we have not started the l/s, just the fact that I have finally recognized my hunger for it and am seeking it out, I know that I will never be totally statisfied with a normal sex life, or a "normal" life at all. I believe I was born to serve and I am praying that my husband comes to realize the same.
About Me
- Hidden Depth
- I am 24 years old and married. We have three children. Two boys and one girl. I am a military wife and very proud of it! I am finally beginning to find out who I am and what I want! It is taking me long enough and I needed a place to sort out my thoughts and ideas and thought this would be great!
Sweety, I understand your fears... it is a scary thing to trust yourself entirely to the care of another person.
ReplyDeleteThat's why communication is SO VERY important within this LS...
I often caution people, when entering this LS, to take it slowly... Do NOT move more quickly than the most cautious and least comfortable person is willing to move.
There is a term used within the community known as sub frenzy...
SUB FRENZY: Colloquial; A very strong, sometimes overwhelming, desire to find a dominant partner or to become immersed in BDSM-related activities, sometimes seen in people who identify strongly as submissive, particularly people who have either just newly discovered their submissive side or who have not partaken in BDSM-related activities for a long time. People in the grip of sub frenzy may sometimes make unwise or unsafe choices.
So often a person is so anxious to completely immerse themselves within the LS that they can literally burn themselves out on it, before they really have the opportunity to REALLY explore it and find out if they might REALLY enjoy it.
Or, they try to experience too much, too quickly, and end up being hurt in one way or another and then they develop a fear of the LS and of that part of themselves that they were so sure of just a short time previous.
If you have fears, you need to acknowledge them... communicate them with your Husband/Dom... make certain he is fully aware of your fears, and that you two have a plan, TOGETHER, for dealing with those fears and for overcoming them at a pace you BOTH can live with.
3 1/2 years ago, I experienced that SUB FRENZY... I was so anxious to experience EVERYTHING I could.... TGoodness, my Husband was much more cautious and FORCED me to take things much more slowly than I would have wanted...
I have a feeling that your Husband, will be very understanding. I don't believe that he is likely to just jump in and expect to change every aspect of your life, and of who you are, essentially, as a person and as his wife.
Especially being that he is military, and prone to deployments... HE will need for you to STILL maintain some, probably MOST, of the control over finances and whatnot, since during deployments, it is next to impossible for him to be able to take care of that himself.
Believe me... my Husband and I are both Navy Veterans... and so we understand how important and valuable you are to him, in that aspect. KNOWING that you are capable of taking care of things on the "Home Front" is a MAJOR burden taken off his shoulders. AND... THAT is but one possible way for you to SERVE HIM...
The purpose of being a servant... is to do what ever is possible to make life easier for the one you serve. So... if you look at it from THAT perspective... sometimes taking control, in some aspects, is STILL a way for you to be submissive.
BUT... it is something that the two of you must talk about and figure out for yourselves to be certain about what will work best within YOUR relationship dynamic.